Monday, 30 March 2009

Suicide Watch


The baby wants to kill himself.

I'm not kidding when I say he's tough ... he's frickin' unbelievable. Last week, he got stung by a BEE. He cried, a bit. And then watched with fascination as mummy dug deep into his finger with a sterilized needle to get the stinger out. I told my sister Leigh about it, she laughed so hard and thinks he definitely suits his name. She said "Actually, I thought of a new name for him ..... Rocco Balboa!"

Which has kind of stuck.

It's like he's superhuman or something ... like the IVF people accidentally created a Superbaby. He pulls himself up people legs ... anyone's, it doesn't matter. Random strangers in the street. They always think he will spin out when he realises he hasn't climbed up me .. umm, no, he's just checking you out!

He does backflips when I change his nappy (NOT funny), goes berserk when in the bath, and squeals with delight when Dave dunks him under the showerhead. He crawls on the big fat gravel in our driveway ... with no pants on. Leaps up stairs, and pushes his highchair across the room. He bashes all of us up .... endearing for 2.1 seconds and then plain annoying. And then, scary! He hurts, grabbing flesh with his bare fist and turning and pulling on it. You half expect him to say. "Go ahead, punk. Make. My. Day."

He's had so many spills down the two steps in the middle of the living room .. but he never cries for long, and is off and scooting around in no time. He tries so hard to jump out of my arms when I'm carrying him .... that the other day he almost did, I freaked out and yelled out "NO!" Really loudly which made him cry and made me feel like an arsehole. A woman in the car next to us frowned at me .... I felt like a terrible baby-shouter-atter.

Until I walked past her car and smelt the cigarette smoke wafting out, noting HER baby strapped in the seat behind her.

People in smoke-filled glass houses should not throw stones.

He's a joy, this baby 'o'mine. Still hard hard hard work ... and I'm counting down the months til he turns one. He won't be a baby for much longer ... sometimes I wonder if he ever really was.
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