Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Same Old Shit

I asked everyone at the kitchen table.

"What is your very earliest memory?"

Mine is trying to pick some food up from the tray of my high chair.

Tim said his when he lived in the small blue house with his dad and mum, and Dave asking whether he wanted chocolate milk in a bottle or cup. He chose bottle.

Max said driving on his toy truck.

And Dave?

Dave thought for a while, stretched his arms at the back of his head, thinking.

He was so serious. "Well, look I can't be sure .... but I think it was the feeling I got straight after my mum changed my shitty nappy. Yeah. (Broad smiles). Just that feeling of .... clean, no more sitting in crap."

The boys all fell about laughing, testosterone and boy laughs that only a poo joke can create.

If there was a camera in the room I would have looked at it and mouthed "HELP ME."


  1. Welcome to the testosterone house. I have live in one for the past 20 years. Every fart, every belch..they try to outdo each other.

    *TRUE STORY* This past weekend, I walked into the bathroom and there was a note on the toilet lid from S2 CONGRATULATING the person that left the "prize" in the commode and didn't flush. He went on to say how impressed he was at the length and girth of said prize...then added that it must have hurt.

    What all this means is that one of my boys LEFT it there on purpose for another to admire.

    Is it any wonder that I turn to blogs written by women??

  2. OMG.

    And I thought that G & W were the only ones that did that. When W was small he turned to me with WONDER -- wonder people, at the sheer volume of his father's visits to the w.c. -- and so, his goal, to match his father's output.

    Yes -- oh do I know the testosterone factor:HELP ME TOO.

    I turned to them the other day -- they were both in their underwear, a pizza box askew on the kitchen island, glued to the xbox remote playing Halo and G finally looked up, slightly embarrassed and said "my god, it is a frat house, isn't it?"


    The joy of it is they are such simple creatures. :)



  3. Funny that you all should mention this today ... okay, I've got one.

    DS1 came into the bathroom to use the potty this morning while I was helping DD with her hair. When he finished, he turned to me and said, "Boy, I must have eaten a lot last night!"

    I should have left it alone, but it was early and the lights weren't all on yet. In fact, DS1 did ~not~ eat well last night and that's what my female brain latched onto (worrying about him) ... so ... I asked him what he was talking about, what he meant. Before I finished the question ... it hit me:

    He was admiring the quantity of his output. Seriously. Admiring.

    Venus = worrying that he will be malnourished.

    Mars = admiring the quality and quantity of turds.

    It just really would never occur to me to trace the dotted line back from the toilet to the previous night's meal.

  4. bahahaha!! I think I am really a boy, because I think that shit (shit, huhuhuhuh) is HILIARIOUS!

    M loves it when I come out of the bathroom and proclaim, Woo-Boy, I must have lost 5lbs with that! Hope it doesn't clog the toilet!

  5. Fart and poop jokes run rampant around here and I hate it! Between the husband, 5 year old, and an 11 year old..I'm at a BIG disadvantage!

  6. I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but when I was in high school I once..ummm...pooped in the exact shape of a whale. I couldn't stand to not have a witness to this feat of fecal genius, so I screamed for my sister to "Come quick!" She ran in, thinking something was wrong and I pointed at the toilet.

    She's never really gotten over it, but she totally admits it looked EXACTLY like a whale.

    Typing this comment has jogged two other poop memories - but I will spare you.


  7. So my first thought was "boys can be so gross" and then I read everyone elses comments. And it's still all I can think of.

  8. Oh how fun it must be to live in a house full of boys...I've never had the pleasure. The only company my dad got was our male dog. Fear not, there are many men out there who have to put up with princess obsessions and makeup while you are dealing with poo references.

  9. hehe. I actually have zero comment to make. Except a laugh.

  10. Great post! Great comments!

  11. Okay, I can't stop laughing. But, EWWWWW!!!!!

  12. I love that feeling.

    Often get it after a meeting!

  13. LOL!

    My brother used to shout "Gas! Gas! Gas!" like we were in a war zone and then lift one leg and squeeze as hard as he could to make the most massive fart possible. We used to laugh hysterically over it. This is what happens when you are raised with only a brother and boy cousins!

    Also, my dad, Josh and I used to joke about "the Captain's Log"; a little Star Trek pun we used to refer to doing a poo. A Klingon was when you needed a lot of toilet paper. Hehehehe! I'm still laughing! My mother hhhhhated these jokes, especially since we'd always tell them at dinner. She had to laugh because we were always in fits but she always tried to make us into civilised human beings. She almost succeeded!


    PS~ Another good one was "dropping the kids off at the pool" and "going to the bathroom to dominate." Hahahahaha!

  14. I have a feeling that when the boys are old enough I'll be the one making the bathroom jokes. Tim and I joke that he's the chic in the relationship.

    Of course I also roll over and fall asleep after sex while he likes to cuddle. :-o


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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