Monday, 16 March 2009

Infinity's a Great Place to Start

I once had a panic attack standing in the self-help section of a bookstore in Sydney. Because I couldn't decide which book to buy, and the guy was closing up the bookstore, and I needed a book so badly because I was so fucked up.

Ended up choosing a dud book that sits in my bookshelf to this day, unread.

Sometimes I rest on my laurels, thinking I've done so much work on myself already that surely I'm done, don't need to do any more?

Somewhere along the path of the last decade, I had a spiritual awakening. I found all this stuff in me that I had never actually lost, it had just never been acknowledged in the first place.


Yesterday after Tims soccer game, we all drove down to the big shopping centre. Dave and I were so delirious ... we walked in, looked at each other and both said "What the HELL were we thinking!" Tim needed new clothes, and I promised Maxie a new Mr Men book. I took Max and the baby into the bookshop.

Confession: I have not been able to finish reading a book for over a year now. And I don't know why. I'm in the middle of some awesome books ... Anne Lamott, Julia Cameron, even Marion Keyes. I can't finish any of them. My unspoken theory is, maybe I have read so many books in my life that I'm full. And unless I write one myself, I won't be able to read any more.

Strange, I know. I did kind of write a childrens book, last year. I keep putting off posting about it, because it's not "proper." And who the hell do I think I am? How dare I start achieving my dreams?

Anyway we were in this bookshop yesterday. Max was choosing between Mr Wrong and Mr Clever, the baby scooted off and I found him in non-fiction, hunched over something. Walking up, I realise he was eating somebodys discarded donut from off the floor. He saw me and shoved the whole thing in his freaking mouth, because that's what Cavemen Midgets DO.

How luxurious is it to buy new books? Max bought Mr Wrong and Mr Clever, Rocco bought The Tale of Peter Rabbit, and I bought Wayne Dyer's Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao. I've started reading it and it's bloody awesome. I think it picked me, and I really hope I can finish it. I hope I can always remember to stay teachable.


Driving home, munching on Rocky Road, we were all content. Talking about how great the party was, our upcoming camping trip. I blasted U2s latest album, telling Dave not to worry, the baby loves loud music.

No crisis, no arguments, no cancer. Just clarity and gratitude and love. Dave kept wanting to hold my hand. I said to him, "Wow, how come we love each other so much?"

"Dunno hon. I think we always do. Just go with it."

The simple things in life can make my heart burst open.


  1. What? That doughnut had only been on the floor 5 minutes.

  2. I think reading ebbs and flows - depending on what's going on in your life. The more stories I have going on in my life, the less I am able to read. When all is calm, I devour books. But, sometimes it just gets boring. So I take a break, read some magazines and do some crossword puzzles. Gotta shake out the brain once in a while.

    Doughnut? Eeew! Dude, I used to get highly upset when my DOG would do that! I think I'd have a stroke if my daughter (who was considering shoving a raisin up her nose today) ate some found food.

  3. Simplicity IS perfection, hon! Enjoy your book. Brush baby's teeth and all will be well. He has a penis, therefor, he can eat ALL kinds of junk.

  4. PLEASE put this post's link on Perfect Moment Monday next week.

    Brill, Eedz.

  5. I love the last line, just love it.

    my confession: I've had a hard time finishing books lately too. I just get so distracted and often lose interest...

  6. I am very happy for you being happy. You totally deserve it and what is great, you will never take advantage of it.
    Happy Birthday, Eden!


  7. Five minute rule! I laughed out loud at Rocco; I love that kid of yours. Please give him a squeeze for me. I can just picture him shoving that donut in, hahaha!

    I am glad you are at peace these days. Isn't it marvelous?

    Flickity Flick

  8. "I found all this stuff in me that I had never actually lost, it had just never been acknowledged in the first place." I just loved that. Wow.

    Ack, DS2 pulled that donut move recently ... somewhere ... can't remember where, but it was really gross. The little bugger was so fast that there was literally nothing I could do. I got over it pretty quickly, though, and I immediately started to wonder if anyone else was watching and judging me for not freaking out enough. :) The really funny thing is, when he 'reads' one of his favorite books with you, he will tell you over and over while pointing to a picture of some monkeys eating leaves, "Yuck! Eww!! Bleh!!" Like, aren't those animals stoopid?

    I laughed like hell at Beautiful Mess' comment about penis immunity. :)

    I have only recently got back to books after a very long phase of reading mostly magazines and online ... I guess I developed commitment issues from lack of time and/or a fried brain (from all the interruptions). And even now that I have been picking up more books lately, I only finish about a 1/4 of what a start. Thus the dusty, guilt-inducing graveyard of unfinished titles near my bed ... fyi, guilt is very bad feng shui. Almost as bad as chronically ill goldfish (don't ask). :) Not sure if it's me or the books I'm dating. Or just the chaos conditions.

    Glad to see you well ... love you guys.


  9. I think we're on the same wavelength. Simplicity is seriously bliss.

    Good on you, my friend.

  10. I am having that book reading crisis too. I can't get through one to save my life. Although I have listened to more than a few on my ipod while driving to work. That counts, right?

    Oh Rocco, lol I can totally picture that.

    Simple things in life do seem to be the best to me.

  11. I go through phases where I cannot read entire books. I find it is often when my head has been too noisy for too long. The phases have lasted as long as a year before. It can be a variety of reasons but magazines have helped a lot during those times. Like Utne Reader or Ode Magazine. Ones with substance and that improve my life, not the junk ones although they can be fun too.

    If I could suggest one thing at all to you it would be to BE GENTLE TO YOU AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME FRICKIN BREAKS. You are doing sooooooooooooo fantastic!! You have come leaps and bounds and grown so much. The path is the goal, but for minds like our we get so addicted to the finish line mentality. You are so on the path and it is bright and sunny there right now and you look glorious and radiant in all the beautiful sun my friend.

  12. I love reading of your happiness!

    I love that he shoved the doughnut in before you could grab it. Haha!

  13. Aren't little boy children fantastic. Their mouths are their primary sensory organ at this stage. Everything they find goes in - everything.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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