Tuesday, 10 February 2009

A Post in Two Parts

I was doing some filming last Saturday, out on our back deck. Our land goes all the way down to the gully, some four acres of it. Such a beautiful view, but we are all too aware up here that we live in prime bushfire zones. There were a few fires up here, so the air was a bit thick and hazy. I was filming the baby, talking about the smoke in the air, at one point I looked at the camera and said "Gee, I hope everyone's houses are ok." We live in NSW, not in Victoria, so we are all safe.

Todays toll is at 171. The newspapers are full of people smiling in family photos ..... so, so many are children. The nightly news is unbearable, tough Aussie men with broad accents breaking down ... children crying for their mothers ... shock and grief is just massive. The 7th February, 2009. It is the worst natural disaster in Australia's history. They are saying that a lot of the fires were deliberately lit, the arsonists - will hopefully get caught and charged with murder. Mass murder.

Our hearts are heavy, down here. Please send your love and thoughts to the many families who have lost so much.


"Kathy', from "Illinois" .... seriously? This is the only time I will ever address you in my blog. At first I was livid, but "honey" - there's too much unbearable suffering down here to maintain any anger to you. I don't care, I'm tired. Last week, I wrote some stuff. This week, I feel different about the same stuff. I am not who I was last week, I will always hopefully change and grow - be more fluid, and much less rigid than someone like you. The women at school are quite nice - if anything, the anger I directed at them last week was simply because I wished I was more like them, instead of my own messy self. Simple.

Listen carefully: I have not broken any traditions. I have not once mentioned the name of any meetings I do. I could attend 'Knitters Anonymous" for all you know. Yes I am in recovery .... aren't we all!? Everybody is recovering from something, and if there are not, they bloody well should be. Food. Sex. Exercise. Internet. Dysfunction. Arguing. Swearing. (Ahem). Terrible childhoods.

I'm trying to be open to you, with a Spirit of Kindness, but you've just been rude. The supportive comments must have set you off. I have gotten to know these women over two years, we support each other. Don't come here and bag us all out. Start your own blog, get your own network. I fully intended to close my last blog down, when the baby was born, because it would just be boring. It didn't turn out that way. How I wished it was just boring! How I wish I didn't have the awful worry seeped into my head, hoping to God that my husband never gets sick again.

You mentioned what I do with my time - you don't know what I do with my time! Because I haven't told you - I'm too busy minding the baby, parenting, step-parenting, trying to work from home, look after the house, cook dinners, etc. Also trying to handle all of these pesky emotions that have come up lately. (UNDERSTATEMENT). Life is exhausting right now. That is not a whine, either. And why use Bonos lyrics against me? Why would you try to deliberately piss me off? In the past, I loved having people to blame about everything. I would accept responsibility for nothing. Sometimes I can still do that. I believe it's called "being human".

You can never zap me. You do not have that power! If I want to blog about the Scientific Studies of Dungbeetles, then I will. I will write anything I want to, here. I give myself full permission. I don't need yours.

And lastly, if you really do have 17 years up, like you say you do ... then you have my deepest condolences. I hope I am not filled with such bitterness and arrogance, if I am blessed with that many years up. I hope I am helping to build people up, instead of tearing them down.

I'll do you a favour and turn off comments for this post, 'mkay? I wouldn't want you to get all jealous again.


Having said all that - I am so behind in blog reading! I am so sorry. BUT - Dave and I are going away this weekend. ALONE. OMFG I'm so excited. Poor Dave - he's all like, "Hon! We can go on runs together, go to the pictures, do whatever we want!" Little does he know that all I want to do is to catch up on blog reading, sleep, and then catch up on blog reading. HA! It's nine years today since we started our relationship. Nine years. Longest relationship ever. Most turbulent, most hard, most rewarding. I bought him a Valentines Day card - on the outside, it says: "You really should thank me for putting up with you."
The inside reads: "Oh, that's right, I forgot. You put up with me!"

Truth is, we both put up with each other. Even though he frustrates me more than any person on the planet, we may as well stay together. In his own words ....
"F*ck it, hon. We've come too far to give up now!"

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