I'm so cranky right now, I know I should cool down for a bit before writing.
But I won't.
ATTENTION ALL MOTHERS AT MY SONS SCHOOL WHO INDULGE IN SALACIOUS GOSSIP ABOUT ME:
Hi, Eden here. A.k.a. The freakshow! Yes, it is true ...... that is how I met my husband! And, also ... all the parts about him are true too!! OMG!! And ... ME TOO!!
You can all kiss my arse. I have no time for people like you. Some women think the instant they become mothers, they must cut their hair short and wear frumpy clothes, be all mumsy and boring. And bitch about other people behind their back - say, when their husbands are undergoing chemotherapy and OMG did you HEAR!!
Someone told me today what some "rumours" have been, so I called another mum from school and she confirmed it and told me more.
Like, my whole life history was broadcast over the loudspeaker at assembly when I wasn't there. At first I was mortified, then ashamed. Now I honestly don't care. I have nothing to hide from, oh gossip mongers. I have a very good idea where it all came from, too. But I don't know for sure, lucky for you! (Can you imagine if I ever find out for sure!)
I used to have a blog, under an assumed name. I started it because I went through IVF to fall pregnant with my gorgeous baby. Some women find it hard to get pregnant .... some woman can't. I discovered the world of infertility blogs, written by women all across the world. I fell in love with them all, started to document my own IVF/pregnancy journey. In a happy-go-lucky way.
I always knew, through my own pregnancy, that something bad was going to happen. (Just ask my sisters, they were SO over me worrying, heh.) I thought the bad thing would be something to do with the birth/baby, didn't realise the bad thing was multiplying in my husbands body cavity.
My assumed-name blog got very serious, very quickly. I got some of the best, most honest, raw, AMAZING support in the Universe. I got heard, cheered on, supported, listened to. My rants were sometimes full of rage and venom, or love and hope ..... sometimes I would write in graphic detail, the shady parts of my past.
The shady parts of my past ...... of which there are many!!
People IRL (In Real Life) ... started to find my blog, which made me uncomfortable. It is now set to private .... there are around sixty women in the world who can read it. I still post there occasionally. I started this blog, under my real name. I enjoy blogging, it helps me write better. But mostly, I feel the love from people who do not judge, who share their stories, and their pain, and their heartbreaks.
Two days ago, I stood outside the gym, reading all the comments to my last two posts. Alternately crying, and laughing ...... I marvelled at the Wise Sages. I wish I could marry my comment section - I am so privileged to get feedback when I write. Blogging is a writers wet dream.
The women in my comment section would never talk out the side of their mouths at school ... "Look, that's the one. Did you HEAR!?" Never.
The women in my comment section most CERTAINLY don't live small, suffocating lives in a small town - and if they DID, they would be honest about it and laugh at themselves.
The women in my comment section have been through more pain than you could dream of. And they still don't give up.
Yes I have lived a life that sometimes even I am amazed at. When I am with my sisters, they egg me on -
"Go on, tell us another story!"
And I do, and we all fall about in mortified laughter.
I will touch on some things in this blog, but never fully, because I don't want that reflected back onto my children.
BUT: I have nothing to be ashamed at. Talk away - follow me with your eyes when I'm pushing the pram to pick up my son. I don't care. I have felt things you never will, touched the sky and made it safely back to orbit. Have you?
I bet you wish you have.
Sucks to be you.